Using Feedback and Drafts to Enhance Student Writing in PDHPE

Literacy and specifically persuasive writing in Physical Development, Health, and Physical Education (PDHPE) is important for our students to continually develop. Not only does it help them articulate their thoughts clearly and effectively, but it also enables them to engage critically with content. A key method for enhancing these skills is to use a structured process involving feedback and multiple drafts. This approach not only improves their writing but can also deepen their understanding of the subject matter. Let's explore why feedback is essential and how the drafting process can significantly benefit student writing in PDHPE.

Using Exemplars to Establish Success Criteria

Before students begin to write I have always found it helpful to showcase exemplars and co-create success criteria. These exemplary texts serve as models of successful writing but can also be used to compare strong and weak levels of persuasive writing. By analysing these examples, students can co-create success criteria with their teachers, identifying key elements that make the writing stronger. This might include clear argumentation, effective use of evidence, or a compelling conclusion. For instance, by examining two different essays on "The Impact of Sleep on School Performance," students can identify strengths and weaknesses to then list the characteristics that made the better essay persuasive and informative.

Examples

The Essential Eight: Why Eight Hours of Sleep Can Transform Your Academic Performance

As students, the quest for academic excellence is a pervasive challenge, but one simple change can make a profound difference: sleeping for eight hours each night. Research consistently shows that adequate sleep is intricately linked to improved concentration and higher cognitive functioning. According to the National Sleep Foundation, teenagers require between 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night to function optimally, yet studies reveal that only 15% achieve this goal.

The consequences of sleep deprivation are severe and well-documented. A landmark study by the University of California, Los Angeles, found that students who sacrificed one hour of sleep to study were more likely to struggle on tests the following day. This counterintuitive result highlights a critical error in most students' approach to academics. Sleep isn't merely downtime; it's when the brain consolidates learning, transferring short-term knowledge into long-term memory.

Moreover, the psychological benefits of sleep are undeniable. Adequate sleep has been linked to improved mood and better regulation of emotions—key components that influence school performance. A well-rested student is more likely to manage stress effectively and participate actively in class, further enhancing their learning experience.

Therefore, prioritizing eight hours of sleep is not just advisable; it's essential. It's a foundation upon which the pillars of academic success are built. So tonight, consider setting aside your study materials earlier and giving your brain the rest it needs. Your grades—and your health—will thank you for it.

This article is very persuasive and written well. It is broken into single-point paragraphs, uses external evidence and research to support its conclusions and includes strong modal language such as "essential" and "undeniable". It also uses a formal tone, is well structured around logic and has a concluding "therefore" statement to bring the writing to a close.

Sleep 8 Hours to do Good in School

Everyone knows you need to sleep. But did you know you need to sleep 8 hours to do good in school? It’s true because when you sleep 8 hours you feel better and can think better.

Some people study late and think it’s helping, but it’s not. You need to sleep instead of study all night. My brother always goes to bed late and he is always tired and doesn’t do well on his tests.

So, if you want to do good in school you should sleep 8 hours every night. It’s really important and the best way to be better in school. So, remember to go to bed early so you can do good.

In contrast to the first answer, this one is less detailed, does not include supporting evidence and is written using low-modal language such as "should". This text is also less formal, only has personal anecdotal evidence and does not follow a logical sequence for the argument.

This comparison can then be used to create criteria the students can use to evaluate their plans and drafts to ensure their result is a more persuasive piece of writing.

Why Feedback Matters

Feedback is crucial and requires students to have time to action the feedback before a final product is due. One of the greatest mistakes made is to only provide feedback after a text is submitted to the teacher and then to move on to a new activity without providing time or a reason to revise the original text. Feedback should align directly with the success criteria co-created with students and established through exemplars. As students give and receive feedback, they can refer back to these criteria to see how well they are meeting the standards set. For example, if the success criteria include 'using credible sources to back claims' and a student's draft lacks this, feedback can specifically target improvements in this area. This direct linkage ensures that feedback is focused and maximally beneficial.

Most importantly, students need a reason to continually improve their writing. Getting better marks is not always motivating for our students. However, having a real-world audience to whom or for whom they are writing can provide this motivation and give the reason for why further revision should happen even after the teacher has seen it. Putting student writing on a public blog, into a newsletter, or even having them send it as an email to specific people can be very motivating when it comes to improving their writing.

The Drafting Process: Step-by-Step

The Planning Phase with Peer Feedback

During the planning phase, students should refer to the success criteria while outlining their main ideas and arguments. This ensures their plans align with the benchmarks of effective writing identified earlier. They might create checklists that include items like "include at least three statistical pieces of evidence" or "write a clear summary statement as shown in the exemplar." Furthermore, students can see the clear line of logic in their plan. As they outline the writing and identify the point for each paragraph they can check it makes sense, progresses the argument, and covers the relevant points, including addressing other perspectives or counterarguments. This plan could take the form of a mindmap, a flow diagram, or simply be some dot points on the page. But it is an important step in the process of creating strong persuasive pieces of text.

It may surprise you, but even the plan should receive feedback. This will help students to improve their first draft. Not only this, but the students are able to improve their writing without having already put much effort into it, which is always a bonus. Checking other's plans will also help the students recognise new points or examples they may like to include in their own writing.

The First Draft with Multiple Sources of Feedback

Once their plan has received feedback and the students have had time to adjust their plans, we move on to writing the first draft. In publishing circles, the first draft is referred to as the FSD (first s@#%y draft) because it is always the worst the writing is going to be. Ensuring students understand their first draft is not their final piece of writing can help students get started. It will also help them to know that the first draft doesn't even have to be good, it just has to be done. During this phase, you may want to use some strategies, such as free writing, where students write continuously for a few minutes and are not allowed to stop writing.

Once the drafts are written you want to conduct peer reviews. During this time students can use the success criteria to provide structured and specific feedback. Rather than general comments like "good job" or "needs more detail," peers can point out specific criteria, such as the clarity of the argument or the emotional appeal used, and assess whether these elements are as strong as those in the exemplar texts. Giving students a scaffold for feedback, such as 2 good points and 1 area for improvement, can be helpful, especially if they then provide the writer with suggested ways to improve their writing.

Teacher Feedback and Revisions

Once again, the students should be given ample time to rewrite their persuasive text based on the feedback provided by peers and that they provide themselves using the criteria. As teachers provide feedback on the drafts, they also should consistently reference the success criteria, guiding students on how to align their writing more closely with the exemplars. This might involve detailed comments linking back to the criteria, such as "Consider how the exemplar used a variety of sentence structures to maintain reader interest. Try incorporating similar techniques." Teachers may also highlight areas where the argument is particularly strong or where the writing style needs tightening. This feedback should be actionable, providing clear directions for revisions.

It is important during this stage for the students to be looking forward towards the public product. Remind your students as they submit their drafts that these are still drafts and that they are only final once they are published to their actual audience. This will help students to be more open to the feedback they receive and motivated to revise once again.

Final Product

For the final product, students refine their pieces based on the feedback they have received and with the success criteria in mind, ensuring each element is addressed. This might involve revisiting the exemplar texts to remind themselves of the effective techniques used and double-checking their work against the success criteria checklist. The final step is for them to publish their product for the world or an individual from the world to see. There are multiple situations where people are writing persuasive texts that are not essays or exam responses. Below are a few examples:

• Blog articles try to convince people of a specific point of view
• Emails to a boss to try and convince them you deserve a raise
• Submitting a report to a politician looking for more funding
• Writing a sales letter to convince someone to purchase your products
• Writing scripts for vlogs, or sales videos
• Writing a letter to a parent to convince them you need a more comfortable bed
• Presenting an argument to the school board for a longer recess or better equipment in the playground

Incorporating feedback and a systematic drafting process in PDHPE classes is more than just a teaching strategy; it's an essential approach to enriching student learning and writing proficiency. By guiding students through multiple drafts and encouraging thoughtful revisions, we help them develop not only as writers but also as thinkers. By integrating exemplar texts and co-created success criteria into the feedback and drafting processes, we provide a structured, clear pathway for students to excel in their writing. This approach not only clarifies expectations but also empowers students to take charge of their learning and writing, aiming to meet or exceed the high standards demonstrated in the exemplars as they seek to persuade a real person around a real problem or issue. This method fosters a deeper understanding and appreciation of quality writing, encouraging students to strive for excellence in their work.